Sixty Is The New What?

The local nightly news is playing.

I hear the news anchor say, “Missing senior citizen alert coming up after this commercial. Stay tuned.”

I patiently wait for an attorney to tell me to shoot a deer, or stand on top of an eighteen-wheeler, or tell me he can get me a trillion dollars if I get run over by that eighteen-wheeler. Finally, the endless commercials stop.

“Now back to the news,” says the news anchor. “We have a missing senior citizen alert.”

I expect to see a picture of an elderly man, oh about one-hundred or so, come across the television screen.

“Have you seen this man? Sixty-year-old John Doe hasn’t been seen since Saturday. He was last seen wearing a green shirt and jeans. If you have any information call this number on the screen.”

“That’s just so sad,” I thought to myself. “Poor family must be worried to……..wait a minute! Did he just say sixty-year-old and missing senior citizen in the same sentence?”

All year long, I’ve been reminding myself that I’ll be sixty in December. I’ve been trying to get used to that new milestone. At least every now and then, I’ll say out loud, “I’ll be sixty in December,” just so I’ll be ready when it gets here.

Now, I suddenly find out, if I go missing in December, not only am I going to be a missing sixty-year-old, I’m going to be a missing senior citizen!

And I was just trying to get used to soon being sixty!

I’ve heard folks say, “Sixty is the new forty.” I think they’ve been lying.

So, when December gets here, I’d like to be referred to as a sixty-year-old. A sixty-year-old that looks younger than sixty would also be good.

But not a senior citizen. I’m not ready for that.

From the mind of me.