Grandma's Remedies

As I wake up this morning feeling like an elephant is stomping through my sinuses and chest, and a voice sounding like Brenda Vaccaro in a TV commercial for Playtex, I’m reminded of Grandma’s remedies for any ailment you might develop.

Laxatives.

“Now what do I need to give him?” I would hear Mom call and ask her Mother. Since Grandma had raised eleven children, she was an expert.

“Now where does it sound like his congestion is?” she would ask Mom. “If it is just in his head and nose, cold Castor Oil will work just fine. Now if it moves down and settles in his chest, you will need to give it to him hot.”

While trying to suppress the cough that deeply vibrated through my lungs, I could see Mom putting a small pan of water on the stove. I knew the bottle of Castor Oil soon would be simmering in the kitchen.

“Johnny, come here and take your medicine,” Mom summoned. “You can hold your nose and I’ll have a cup of orange juice ready for you to get the taste out of your mouth.”

“Like orange juice will get the taste out of your mouth,” I thought to myself. “I’ll be tasting this stuff for days.”

Mom would pour the nasty, clear, thick liquid into a spoon that must have been the largest in the house. While holding my nose, I would take my dose.

Daddy used to say the reason it worked was fear of coughing unless you were in the bathroom. I might agree with him.

But before long, that cold and cough would be gone. Flushed though your body and flushed away. Soon I would be feeling like new.

And thanking God that this time I didn’t have the hives. That would have meant a dose of Epsom Salts.

From the mind of me.