Thirteen Years Ago Today

It's been thirteen years ago today. It seems like yesterday. I wrote this in October last year during Breast Cancer Awareness month.

Remembering Amy today and every day.

With a look like I had never seen in her eyes, she said, “Something is wrong, Johnny. Come here and look and see what you think.”

We were that close. She was like my sister. My buddy. My heart.

I knew immediately what the doctor would soon be telling her, but I tried not to react. Even before I became a nurse, I knew enough to know it was bad.

“Well, we will just get an appointment for you and go see what the doctor has to say,” I said as calmly as I could.

Her gynecologist told her what he suspected. She didn’t hear a word he said. I knew I also needed to be with her when she went to her next appointment. An oncology surgeon.

I pace in the waiting room. The nurse walks out and asks me to come back.

She needs me.

The doctor confirmed what her gynecologist had already told her. She cries uncontrollably. I hold her and try to comfort her. She cries, “Oh my God, don’t let this be what he said!”

She could never say the word.

I went to tests and scans and blood work with her. I went to treatment after treatment with her. I took care of her ports and lines.

It was just too advanced.

Surgery, radiation, more chemo. Nothing could keep it down. I prayed every night and begged God to heal her. I watched her get weaker.

Finally, she couldn’t fight anymore.

I held her hand as I watched her leave me. She looked at me and tried to whisper “I love you.” I told her “I love you too.” I watched her soul lift away from her body as she drew her last breath.

Then she was gone. I sat in the hospital hall and cried. I felt so lost and empty. A part of me died that day.

I’m lucky to have known her. She was beautiful. She will always be in my heart.

From the mind of me.